She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
