is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
