one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
