I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
