How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
did you just send me my own nude
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
