She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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