No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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