I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize