Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
