Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
