She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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