I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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