What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
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