rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
