I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
