She's like a pop up book from hell.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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