i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
