Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
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I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
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I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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