my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
