She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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