Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
