When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
there is glitter all over my balls
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
