Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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