the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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