i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Randomize
