I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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