U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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