Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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