You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
