I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
