he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize