So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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