I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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