Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
