You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
