I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
