So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
