If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
