Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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