yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
