I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
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