I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
