his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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