Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
