Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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