I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Everyone says I win the strip club
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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