nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
