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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.

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  23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married

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• (914): View more from New York

  The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.

  (518): View more from New York

  So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"

  (1-775): View more from Nevada

  At least you got your shooes

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• 

  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.

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• (727): View more from Florida

  Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.

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• (516): View more from New York

  She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."

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• (808): View more from Hawaii

  drinks after work?

  (1-808): View more from Hawaii

  that question mark offends me.

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