Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(916): View more from California

I hate ducks.

(916): View more from California

What?

(916): View more from California

they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.

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(916): I hate ducks. (916): What? (916): they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck. http://tfl.nu/gesm

Replies (55) Good night (3444) Bad night (769)
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(510): View more from California

my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum

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(510): my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum http://tfl.nu/or47

Replies (20) Good night (683) Bad night (4248)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.

(605): View more from South Dakota

WTF??? Isn't he married??

(910): View more from North Carolina

Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL

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(910): He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding. (605): WTF??? Isn't he married?? (910): Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL http://tfl.nu/eb9x

Replies (19) Good night (999) Bad night (4280)
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(443): View more from Maryland

at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them

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(443): at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them http://tfl.nu/jmz8

Replies (12) Good night (3666) Bad night (974)
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(970): View more from Colorado

Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"

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(970): Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker" http://tfl.nu/30jj

Replies (44) Good night (18178) Bad night (1125)
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(817): View more from Texas

Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.

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(817): Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there. http://tfl.nu/ie6m

Replies (8) Good night (2840) Bad night (2011)
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(845): View more from New York

i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.

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(845): i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over. http://tfl.nu/5sx1

Replies (1) Good night (4794) Bad night (774)
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(970): View more from Colorado

dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..

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(970): dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them.. http://tfl.nu/vwfx

Replies (6) Good night (3030) Bad night (1440)
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(573): View more from Missouri

What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.

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(573): What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important. http://tfl.nu/vy7b

Replies (19) Good night (612) Bad night (4868)
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(225): View more from Louisiana

Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here

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(225): Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here http://tfl.nu/v34u

Replies (2) Good night (1720) Bad night (598)
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(905): View more from Ontario

I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental

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(905): I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental http://tfl.nu/iday

Replies (5) Good night (1826) Bad night (932)
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(515): View more from Iowa

Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.

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(515): Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself. http://tfl.nu/ezc4

Replies (9) Good night (1388) Bad night (404)
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(720): View more from Colorado

Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.

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(720): Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet. http://tfl.nu/7a7w

Replies (2) Good night (722) Bad night (457)
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(609): View more from New Jersey

We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.

(609): View more from New Jersey

We won Spring Training 2013.

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(609): We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them. (609): We won Spring Training 2013. http://tfl.nu/awkc

Replies (3) Good night (695) Bad night (237)
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(218): View more from Minnesota

my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this

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(218): my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this http://tfl.nu/wrij

Replies (6) Good night (1315) Bad night (282)

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