trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.