I think I am morally bankrupt
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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