When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
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I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
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She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.