i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
