You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?