Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
