i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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