Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
