Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My breath smells like gin and sadness
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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