I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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