i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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