oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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