it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Can you bring me the toilet please
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize