I cockslap morals
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
