My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My room smells like vodka and shame
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
