A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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