i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Im part way to drunk.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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