Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
