Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
