Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
