Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
