none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
