All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
