I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
