i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
